


Help

by catjeno



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Nightmares, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 02:40:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19190269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catjeno/pseuds/catjeno
Summary: Donghyuck's been feeling alone recently.  Overwhelming fear keeps him restricted and leads him to hide his problems.  He's doing well so far—the other members don't suspect a thing.  If only he hadn't taken that nap...





	Help

**Author's Note:**

> TW: sexual assault/attempted rape

Taeil sat on the couch, scrolling through his phone. Donghyuck was taking a nap next to him while Doyoung and Jaehyun were having a conversation nearby. They had their first free day in what felt like a lifetime. All subunits had needed one, but recently 127 needed it the most; they had been working almost nonstop since they had announced their world tour, but now they were finally back in Korea. SM had made sure to clear their schedule for a week; no interviews, no fanmeets, no dance practices, nothing. Some members had chosen to go out for the day but most of them stayed back at the dorms, enjoying being able to just chill out for once.

Donghyuck grabbed Taeil's arm lightly. Taeil looked up from his phone, expecting to see his friend staring up at him. Donghyuck would often do that: grab the other members’ arms and sometimes accompany it with a whine when he wanted to ask a question, almost like a little kid, but Taeil was surprised to see that his friend wasn't even looking at him. In fact, he was still asleep.

Taeil smirked in amusement. Even in sleep Donghyuck always wanted to cuddle someone. A few moments later, the younger started to shake his head slightly, obviously dreaming about something. Taeil wasn’t too alarmed, he turned back to his phone. But his attention was taken back to the younger member once again when the boy started talking.

“No” he mumbled, once, twice, three times. The grip on Taeil's arm tightened. By now Donghyuck’s muttering had attracted the attention of both Doyoung and Jaehyun.

“You think he's having a nightmare?” Doyoung asked.

“Could be. What do you think it’s about?” Taeil said.

“Probably Mark running away from him every time he gets close to being hugged,” Jaehyun responded with a smile.

Doyoung was about to add on to the playful teasing when he glanced back at Donghyuck. “Wait. Guys, is he crying?” Taeil's and Jaehyun's heads snapped towards the youngest 127 member. Doyoung was right; a few tears had started to run down Donghyuck's sleeping face. Nothing major, but still tears nonetheless.

“Hey Donghyuck,” Taeil said, not really expecting his friend to hear him. “Hey, it's just a dream; you're not in danger.” Donghyuck's arm was still clasped onto Taeil's, his grip even tighter than before.

“Should we try to wake him?” The three members all looked at each other for answers, no one really knowing what to do.

“I don't know, it seems like he's been having a lot of trouble falling asleep lately,” Jaehyun admitted. “Maybe we should just let him rest. People have dreams they don't remember all the time, right? He might not remember a thing by the time he wakes up.”

Taeil nodded hesitantly, putting his hand on Donghyuck's in an attempt to somehow give his younger friend comfort. It actually seemed to work for a little while, until Donghyuck suddenly cried out in alarm.

The three watched in stunned silence as he started trembling, protesting something. Most of his words were indecipherable and heavily slurred by sleep, but his tone was clear; he was terrified. Soon, his shaking had increased, and his muttering escalated into flat out sobbing. Taeil grabbed his friend's shoulders, earning a panicked jerk from a somehow still sleeping Donghyuck. “Hey! Wake up!” Taeil shook him and his eyes shot open.

Breathing hard, Donghyuck tried to make sense of where he was. It took him a moment to realise why his vision was blurred; his eyes were clouded with tears. He reached up and wiped them with the back of his hand. _That's the third time this week_ , he thought. Wait, where was he?

He looked up, eyes darting around the room. He realized Doyoung, Taeil, and Jaehyun were all staring at him, Taeil was even holding his hand. Obviously that meant they had seen him crying in his sleep. His mind started racing. Did he talk again this time? Could they have heard him? He looked at his other members, trying to figure out by their faces if he had accidentally told them something. Jaehyun spoke first.

“Hey, are you okay? You looked like you were having a pretty bad nightmare a second ago.” Donghyuck said nothing, attempting to come up with a believable excuse.

“You seemed pretty freaked out, do you remember any of it?” Taeil asked.

 _I can't tell you_ , Donghyuck thought. _You'd think I'm disgusting_. He opened his mouth slightly, trying to find something, anything, to say, but nothing came to mind. He was saved when someone else spoke.

“Is everything alright?” Johnny had appeared in the hallway. “I heard some yelling.” The other members glanced at a tear stained Donghyuck, who was still shaking slightly. Johnny noticed and immediately hurried over to the couch. He knelt in front of their younger friend and asked what happened. Donghyuck refused to meet his eyes.

“He was taking a nap but he had a nightmare. It was pretty intense; he started talking and crying in his sleep, but we couldn't understand anything he said.” Jaehyun shook his head worriedly. “He doesn't wanna talk right now.”

“I—umm…” Donghyuck looked at his other members. Taeil, Doyoung, and Jaehyun had all seen his reaction to his nightmare, but Johnny hadn't. Maybe, just maybe, he could convince him... convince him what, exactly? Donghyuck didn't know, but he hoped he'd figure it out soon. He had to. “Johnny, can I talk to you alone?” he asked. Johnny exchanged a quick glance with the other three before answering. All four of them looked equally confused.

“Um, sure.”

Donghyuck got up unsteadily and lead the way to his and Jaehyun's shared dorm. After he double checked that the door had closed all the way, he sat down on his bed, suddenly feeling exhausted. Johnny sat down beside him. “Hey bud, are you okay? You looked so shaken back there—you still do—has this happened before?”

Donghyuck didn't reply. Instead, he buried himself into Johnny's chest. He couldn't take it anymore. Johnny tensed. “Hey now, why are we crying?” Instead of an answer, Donghyuck just sobbed harder. Johnny rubbed his back slowly, now extremely alarmed at his friend’s behavior. It was so rare to see him this upset; he only ever got like this was when there was something very wrong.

“I've got you, I'm right here,” Johnny said softly. “You're alright. You're okay, Hyuck. You’re gonna be fine.” He rocked his friend back and forth in his lap, cooing words of reassurement into his ear long after the younger’s sobbing had reduced to just a few occasional hiccups. Johnny sighed. “It must be something pretty bad, huh?” Donghyuck nodded into Johnny's shirt. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Donghyuck stayed silent, still not meeting his friend's eyes. Suddenly he wondered if he really should tell Johnny. He wanted to, he really did. Keeping it to himself was just so tiring. He had nightmares so often that he had started to avoid sleep just to escape them. He was jumpy and uncomfortable around his bandmates— _his friends_ —and he hated all of it. Donghyuck hated it so much. But he was terrified of the looks the members might give him if he told the truth. _Will you blame me too?_ He traced the letters on Johnny's sweatshirt as Johnny continued to rub small circles into his back. _Will you still comfort me like this after I tell you?_

But he was in too deep now. He couldn't just _not_ tell Johnny. And the older man knew him too well, he'd see through any lie thrown at him. Maybe Mark would understand. They'd been friends for so long, he had to understand, right? Donghyuck made up his mind.

“Hyung," he sniffled, finally looking up. Johnny replied with a soft hum as he swept Donghyuck's messy hair out of his red eyes. He was so careful about it, so _tender,_ Donghyuck was terrified that this was the last time Johnny would treat him like this. "I know you're not gonna let this go if I don't tell you, but can Mark be here for this?” Johnny looked at him quizzically. “ _Please._ ”

Maybe it was because he could see the desperation in his eyes, Donghyuck didn't know and honestly didn't care, but Johnny agreed.

“You have to promise to talk when Mark gets here though. No more dodging our questions. We’re worried about you, Duckie.” Donghyuck nodded, really wishing he had used this free day to do anything else but nap.

\---

"Who is it?" Jaemin asked upon seeing Mark pull his buzzing phone out of his pocket. They were walking down a narrow street along with Jeno and Jisung, headed towards one of their favorite restaurants. Before they had debuted, all seven Dream members would make sure to go to this place together at least once a month, but their tradition had been disrupted with all the different comebacks and schedules the members had had recently.

So when they had learned that NCT would be getting a few days off, all of the Dream members had been very excited to go back here. However, it was just four of them this time because Renjun and Chenle had both chosen to use their days off to see family in China and Donghyuck had stayed at the dorm to sleep that day. Mark had honestly been relieved when Donghyuck chose to stay back because it was clear he had been so exhausted recently that he could barely keep his eyes open at any given time.

"Just Johnny," Mark responded casually. "One sec." He tapped the answer button and put the phone to his ear, expecting to hear the familiar playfulness of his friend's voice at the other end of the line. What he got instead was neither familiar nor playful—in fact, Mark had rarely ever heard Johnny sound more serious than he was now.

"Hey Mark," Johnny started. "Are you able to come back to the dorms right now? It's Donghyuck."

"What's wrong?" Mark’s eyes widened. The other Dream members looked at him in surprise, none of them were expecting his serious reaction.

"That's just it: I don't know,” Johnny said. “He's really distraught, but he won't tell anyone anything. He just keeps asking for you." Mark furrowed his eyebrows, glancing at his friends.

"What about you? He always goes to you when something's wrong."

"He won't tell me either. Please Mark, I've never seen him act like this before. He seems almost panicky, I could barely get him to stop crying." Of everything Johnny had said so far, this was by far the most worrying. Mark couldn't think of a single time where Johnny wasn't able to easily help Donghyuck when he was sad or upset. And the fact that Donghyuck wouldn't even _talk_ to Johnny was definitely odd. Whatever was going on here, it was pretty serious.

"Alright," Mark said. "I'll be over as soon as I can." He hung up and put his phone back in his pocket.

\---

Mark burst through the door to the 127 dorms, gasping for breath. The bus he had taken didn't have a stop nearby, so he had ended his journey back to the dorms with a five minute sprint.

Telltale sounds of cooking wafted down the hall from the kitchen, meaning either Doyoung or Taeyong was in there making something. Mark walked into the living room where Jaehyun and Taeil were having a hushed conversation on the couch. They both looked up at him when he approached.

"Where's Donghyuck?" Mark asked, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"In our room," Jaehyun said. He looked like he wanted to say more but didn't, so Mark nodded in thanks and headed towards Donghyuck and Jaehyun's shared room. He knocked on the door.

"Hey guys, it's me." Mark could hear hushed voices from the other side for a second before he got a response.

"It's unlocked." Johnny's voice. Mark entered, making sure to close the door behind him. The first thing that hit him as soon as he walked in was just how _awful_ Donghyuck looked. Practically melting into Johnny’s lap, his eyes were red and his hair looked extremely disheveled. Fresh tear tracks ran down his blotchy cheeks. It was painfully clear that he was miserable.

Mark approached them and sat on the bed next to them. Something about the way Donghyuck looked at him was unsettling. There was definitely relief in his tired eyes, but it was accompanied with something else. Mark noticed how Donghyuck kept darting his vision from him to Johnny the door. Repeatedly, in a messy, jerky way. A snippet of something Johnny had said earlier came to Mark’s mind. _"He seems almost panicky."_

 _What’s happened to you Donghyuck?_ “Hey,” Mark said in a quiet voice. “I’m here now Hyuck. You wanted to tell me something?”

Donghyuck opened his mouth for a second before closing it, looking down at the carpet. “You need to tell us.” Johnny tapped him on the shoulder lightly. “That was our deal, remember?” Donghyuck didn’t move. Mark and Johnny exchanged glances with each other, neither really knowing what to do.

“I can leave for a bit,” Mark offered. “Give you some more time if you want.” He stood up and shuffled to the doorway. He was about to turn the knob when Donghyuck spoke.

“He stuck his tongue in my mouth.” Mark and Johnny froze. “He pinned me against a wall and covered my mouth. I couldn’t run away, I couldn’t even scream for help.” Donghyuck looked up at his friends, trying to plead for them to understand him, to not call him names or make fun of how gross they thought he was, to still like him after what he had just told them. He paused and took a shuddering breath, trying to force himself to keep talking. His voice cracked slightly as he spoke.

\---

It was after an awards show over a month ago. Donghyuck was in the bathroom when someone walked in. The man didn't walk over to the stalls or the urinals though, he just stood by the sinks on his phone. Donghyuck washed his hands and walked past the man on his way to the door. Big mistake.

The man suddenly grabbed his arm tightly. “Hey, let go,” Donghyuck said, annoyed. The man didn't answer, instead he put his phone in his back pocket and shoved Donghyuck against the wall.

“What are you doing?” The volume of Donghyuck's voice had increased with his rising panic. “Stop! Let go of me! Let g—” The man used one of his hands to cover Donghyuck's mouth, simultaneously moving his body around the NCT member so that he couldn’t move. Unable to do anything else, Donghyuck bit his hand. In return, the man slapped him hard across the face.

“Do that again,” he threatened, his voice a low growl, “and I might have to bring out the knife.” Donghyuck's eyes widened in fear, and he stopped struggling.

\---

By now, fresh tears had made their way down Donghyuck’s still splotchy cheeks, following the paths that the earlier tears had carved. He buried his face into Johnny's shoulder once more, who was trying to absorb everything he had just said.

Johnny couldn't believe the younger had hid this for so long. In fact, he realized, the boy probably would've hid it longer if not for the other members noticing how he had reacted to that nightmare.

Donghyuck attempted to wipe the flow of tears off his face with a trembling hand as he talked. “Then he just stared at me. He took his hand off my face again and that's when he...when he licked me. First on my cheek, then in my mouth. His tongue…” Donghyuck's voice was barely more than a whisper. “It was so slimy, so disgusting.”

Mark swore under his breath. Johnny glanced at him and suddenly wanted to swear too. He had been so absorbed listening to Donghyuck that he had forgotten to make sure Mark was doing alright. And of course he wasn't, why would he be? Those two were always so close, hearing that this had happened to his friend was sure to affect him too.

“Mark…” Johnny started.

“I'm fine,” Mark mumbled, although he clearly wasn't. The boy had paled considerably compared to only a few moments prior. He was even biting his lip. Mark had a lot of habits when he was bored, like playing with his hands our bouncing his leg up and down, but he never bit his lip unless he was really anxious or worried about something.

“Mark,” Johnny said, “you literally look like you're about to be sick.” Mark started to protest when Donghyuck spoke.

“You don't have to stay, you know. You can leave if you want, I don't mind.” _Please don’t go._ He showed his best attempt at a reassuring smile, which ended up looking more like a pained grimace. _Don’t leave me._

“I'm not going,” Mark insisted. “I came halfway across town specifically because you needed me, I'm gonna stay.”

This time a real smile escaped Donghyuck. It was small and full of exhaustion, but it was real, genuine. Mark smiled back, but Johnny could see him wavering on his feet. He saw how Mark gripped the door frame tightly to keep himself standing. “At least sit down so you won't hit your head if you faint,” Johnny ordered. Mark obeyed, plopping down on the carpet.

Once he was sure Mark was alright, Johnny turned back to Donghyuck. “Is there any more?”

“He...I…” Donghyuck's face burned. “Do I really have to tell this part?” he whimpered. Johnny ruffled his already messy hair.

“You're gonna have to eventually. You can say it now or we can wait a little bit, but you have to tell us soon.” Donghyuck still looked unsure. “Hey,” Johnny added, “look at me.” Reluctantly, he did, slowly raising his tired eyes to meet Johnny's. “Whatever you end up telling us, we're not gonna get mad, okay?”

“You're just saying that,” Donghyuck whined. Johnny had to be lying, Donghyuck was sure of it. He wanted to believe his friend, but he just couldn't, there was no way Johnny was telling the truth.

Strange; Donghyuck had never really doubted his friends’ trust before, but for some reason he had been (and still was) scared to tell them about this. He was terrified that they'd hate him once they found out, that they'd put the blame on him too. He had told himself over and over that it wasn't his fault this had happened, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was wrong. _How can it not be my fault? I was too weak to prevent it, of course it was my fault._

_I really am disgusting._

“Why would we get mad at you?” Johnny asked. Donghyuck shook his head. He couldn't believe it, Johnny sounded so genuinely concerned, so real. Was he trying to play a sick joke or something?

“Because it’s gross! Because I was stupid and couldn't prevent it; it's my fault. Why wouldn't you get mad at me?”

Mark finally lost it. He bolted up and stumbled over to Donghyuck, pulling him into the tightest hug that he could. “It's not your fault, dumbass,” he mumbled into his friend's ear. “None of us are gonna blame you for getting assaulted.”

“Really?” Donghyuck glanced from Mark to Johnny, trying to see any sign of jest in either of them. There was none.

“Of course.” Mark’s voice quivered. “We would never blame you.” Johnny nodded in agreement, reaching out to give Donghyuck’s shoulder a light squeeze.

Donghyuck couldn’t believe it. These past few weeks had been so tiring for him, apart from having nightmares constantly and the stupid anxious feeling he now got whenever he walked by a public bathroom, he had honestly felt alone, too scared to tell anyone his secret. Now for the first time in weeks, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. His friends didn't blame him, not even a little bit. God, that felt good to realize.

He pulled out of Mark’s hug but chose to leave their fingers intertwined. Funny, he didn’t remember grabbing Mark’s hand earlier, it must’ve just happened naturally. “Anyways, um, I-I'll tell the rest now.

“After he licked me, he caressed my face. He kept saying things to me. Gross things. Then he...umm…he unzipped my pants, and then his own. He...touched me. He touched me _there_ , and I couldn't even move because he still had me pinned against that wall.” He was shaking his head slowly, unconsciously, as if trying to ward off the horrifying memory. “I was so scared to find out what he'd do next, so scared, but then someone walked in. The man let go of me before anyone saw. He just kind of glared at me, then he flashed the knife at his side before walking off. He really had a knife on him. He really...” His voice broke.

Johnny approached Donghyuck and pulled him into his lap once more. He noticed that the younger was shaking again. “I’m sorry I didn't tell you guys earlier,” Donghyuck said after a moment. “I just...I was afraid of how you might see me. I thought you'd think I was a bad person or something. That's why I chose to talk to you two,” he admitted. “I thought there might be a chance you'd still respect me, even just a little. Stupid, right? I was fine before, but now I don't even trust my own hyungs.”

“No, it's not stupid,” Johnny said immediately. “You almost got raped for God's sake, of course that's gonna mess with your head. But I’m glad you finally told us, that must’ve been scary to re-live. We’re proud of you. Sincerely.” Johnny held Donghyuck close, waiting a moment before speaking again.

“Now I know you only wanted to tell this to us, but others are going to have to know about it. We can keep it from the public but we have to report this to at least one of our managers.” Donghyuck nodded reluctantly. “Is it alright if we tell the other members? They seemed really worried about you.”

“Later,” Donghyuck said. “I’m tired right now.” Mark gave his hand a squeeze as Johnny smiled.

“Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> so i actually started writing this in sep/oct but then abandoned it until last week when i found it while clearing out my google docs. i originally dropped it bc i thought it was too gruesome but i had already written like 2/3 of it so i guess when i found it again i just felt like finishing it. everyone thanks for reading this emotional rollercoaster and look forward to more fics in the future :)


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